Dearest readers,
Happy Thursday! It’s 10:03am and I’m posted up at a local Starbucks beginning today’s blog. I hope you all are doing well.
We’re nearing the weekend, and this Saturday, it’s Valentine’s Day! Some make a big deal out of it; for others, it’s just another day. My whole life, I spurned this day as sappy and overrated for dumb in-love couples, and treated it as “Singles’ Awareness Day”, or “Self-Pampering Day”. Most V-Day’s I’d spend alone in the dance studio, drilling my rumba walks while others dressed up for romantic dinners. One year, I made a rather arrogant social media post that said something like, “Happy Valentine’s Day. I don’t need a man, all I need is dance.” Attached was a picture of my dance heels catching the sunlight in an empty studio… empty, save for me. For a while, I balked at the construct of coupling up– those were for normies, but I am not a normal person. I am an athlete, artist, go-getter, married to my craft, building empires, needing no one or nothing but music and dance and words and ambition to fill my heart.
This year is different. I met a guy on New Year’s Eve 2025, and we’ve been going strong for a little over a month. I’ve never had a non-single Valentine’s Day, so I’m curious to see if this day is worth the hype. Is he the kind of person to shower his girl with roses and chocolates and love notes? Should I expect flowers? My mom thinks I should (of course she does, anything for her only daughter). If I don’t receive them, will that make me sad?
Well, regardless of what happens, I can only control myself. And I decided to get him something for this special day. I wrote him a poem that I’m excited to share with him… because words are my way of expressing care and affection to the people I love. I don’t have money to buy material gifts for people, but I like to think poems written from the heart are far more meaningful than a bouquet of over-priced roses and See’s Candies chocolates.
My close friend and I were talking about expectations ahead of Valentine’s Day. Last year, she was disappointed that her boyfriend of a year did not even acknowledge Valentine’s Day… didn’t do anything special, did not even wish her a happy V-Day. She is hoping this year would be different and dropped a hint to him the other day. I was thinking we could do something special on Valentine’s Day. Her comment didn’t land, he made it about himself, he was totally oblivious to what she was trying to tell him. I want you to treat me special on this special day. I want you to make me feel desired and appreciated, like a Queen, especially on this holiday. I am sometimes awestruck at how thick-skulled some people are.
I’m an ardent feminist, but I also believe that women should feel loved and desired and appreciated by the person she gives her heart to. This concept transcends gender roles… it’s a simple act of celebrating the person you love, not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day. Whoever you love, you should show them you love them.
If you’re feeling anxiety ahead of Valentine’s Day, wondering whether the person you’re with will meet your expectations, I challenge you to do this: relinquish your expectations. This is not supposed to be a “test” of their love and commitment to you. Take whatever happens in stride… if your S/O pampers you, that’s great. If they don’t, then communicate your feelings honestly, without being hurtful. If they don’t get you flowers, it doesn’t mean you should dump them. Maybe flowers and gift-giving is not their primary love language. Maybe it’s quality time. Even just spending the day together and doing something fun (like ice skating) is romantic. If it really matters to you that they didn’t spoil you on V-Day, have a conversation about it (when they’re well-rested, well-fed, and in proper listening mode).
Every older married couple I’ve interviewed has told me that they don’t do much on V-Day, these days. They might dress up and go out to dinner, but that’s about it. I asked my therapist one year, “It’s Valentine’s Day, are you and your husband doing anything special?” She replied, laughing, “Not at all. It’s just like any other day.”
Romantic gestures are nice, but I’ve had guys give me flowers on the first date only to turn out to be total assholes. They were performing, but it was all an illusion. Real love and commitment is evidenced by the important stuff: communication skills, ability to navigate conflict, never being hurtful to the other person (at least not on purpose), mutual respect, maturity, all those good things.
And if you happen to be single this year, CELEBRATE IT! I’ve been single basically my whole life. It’s not all bad… you can be unabashedly selfish, you can live your life doing the things that make you happy without worrying about what your partner may think. You are beholden to no one but yourself and your dreams. So, enjoy your day! Celebrate SELF-LOVE, which is the most important kind of love there is. Treat yourself to a soothing massage. Take a yoga class. Go to the beach and dip your toes in the water. Wake up early and watch the sunrise. Write yourself a love letter. Buy yourself flowers. Treat yourself to your favorite meal. You are worthy of love, and that love need not come from other people, but yourself.
Sending much love your way! I’ll talk to you guys later!
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