It pains me to say goodbye
To this short-lived fairytale romance
Friday, May 2
A handshake and smile, we instantly connected
The purest souls in a room of hedonists
You were a red buoy
In an ocean of blackness
When I met you
I was entrapped in the jaws of addiction
The intractable habit eclipsed my psyche
Dulling the bad, but numbing the good
I needed you to show me the way out of alcoholism
You guided me out of the hole
A hand, a foot, a crawl and a breath
I am extricated from the cave
At the writing of this poem, I’ve been sober all day
But alas, this is a journey I must henceforth traverse by myself
Too much work to be done on my misguided soul
I have no strength to give to anyone else
Timing is a bitch, isn’t it?
From the beginning we told each other
That a real relationship was off the table
You are going through shit too, how badly I want to be there for you
But how can I help you when I myself am weak
I was right to cry the day after we met
As I walked beside the levee’s crystal waters
The song “Helium” by Sia blasted in my ears
And moved me to tears
Tears of lust and infatuation
But more of dread and painful realization
For the oracle in me knew this was not meant to be
Shaking legs, trembling voice, it pains me to utter
The words of goodbye, to my spiritual blue-eyed lover
In this poem I hope to immortalize
The beautiful memories of our brief journey together
The sex was special
Beach strolls serene
Our conversations meandered
Like a red-orange leaf fallen into the sea
The dancing was fiery
Shroom trips other-worldly
These experiences are gems
I will cherish for eternity
You are a special soul, kind and well-meaning and good
Smart and spiritually evolved
It’s what drew me to you
Our challenges and mistakes do not define us
All we can do is look ahead to the next Mount Everest
And move forward with fervor and passion for what we do
Project management, DJ’ing, substitute teaching, what have you
Dear Max, you were meant for so much more
Cut out the dead weight and emerge from the shadows
Make the world see all that you’re capable of
Forgive me if I hurt you, it was never my intention
If I can’t be your lover, I can at least send light from afar
I will remember you fondly, Max
And wish you the best as you move on to the next
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