Dear friends,
Happy Sunday! I hope you all are having a blessed day.
It is 1:30pm, which is writing hour! Today is the official first day of my new expressive writing group. We meet every Sunday afternoon for an hour of free-write catharsis, a way to reflect and heal in a collective, safe space. As of right now, no one has joined today’s meeting, which is to be expected. I didn’t do a big social media push advertising this group, but I am currently reaching out to friends who I think would be interested in joining. My hope is that this group will grow into a community of introspective individuals, and I look forward to creating a space where we can all write for enjoyment and process our myriad thoughts and feelings that together form our inner landscape.
Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Indeed, one of the most important things we can do to ensure continuous personal growth is to self-reflect on the moments, choices, conversations, experiences, thoughts, and feelings that shape our lives. If you are moving forward in life with your eyes shut, how can you possibly move closer to your North Star, which is your greatest truth? I believe that true wellness happens when we live a life that aligns closest to our Essence: who we are at the core. But how can you know your Essence if you don’t take the time to reflect on it? Are all the choices, big and small, that you make each day steering you closer to your heart? If you can, ask yourself this question at the end of each day, when you go to bed at night and meditate on the day’s events.
Journaling is a powerful tool. This expressive writing group is exactly like that, except we’re doing it in a group environment, which is great for motivation and accountability– I often find it’s easier to stick with a habit if you have other people doing the same thing, cheering you along.
We start each meeting with a few minutes of breathing exercises to ground us in a creative, intuitive headspace. Then we have 10 minutes of a free-write cathartic journaling session. During this time, you write about any and everything that occupies your head and heart-space. Think, stream-of-consciousness free flow. No need to worry about grammar rules, syntax, polish and form. You don’t have to be an experienced writer to do this exercise. The primary goal is catharsis and emotional release. You won’t be sharing what you write in this session with the group– this is just for you.
Then we’ll move on to 20-25 minutes of a guided writing exercise. I’ll present a prompt of the day, a theme that serves as a springboard for you to ask the deep, introspective questions that are conducive to personal growth. The prompt I had planned for today is:
The Quietest Voice
Think of a time when your intuition—that quiet, gut feeling—told you one thing, but your head (or society) told you another. Write a short narrative where you listen to the quietest voice. What does it cost you, and what does it save you?
For the remainder of today’s post, I will answer this prompt and share what I have written.
I chose today’s prompt because it came at an opportune time. Last night I engaged in degeneracy, doing something that I knew was morally questionable (from society’s lens) and also misaligned with my upbringing as a straight-edged, disciplined athlete and Mormon. (Yes, I grew up in the LDS church). I have indeed fallen off the straight-and-narrow path since entering college and young adulthood and explored my inner wild-child side, and I have made a lot of mistakes, done a lot of things that would make God frown upon me, things that I regretted the minute it was over. Last night, I went to this event that a friend and half-lover of mine invited me to. I went because he invited me, and I knew he wanted to try it, it’s something you do together as a couple, and I didn’t want to say no to him, even though my intuition was saying, “Don’t go. Don’t go.” I believe intuition, that still, small voice that leads you closer to your essence, is a higher power talking to you. Different religions have different schools of thought on who, or what, this voice is. It could be an angel. It could be a prophet. It could be the Holy Ghost, or God Himself. Last night, I chose to reject my intuition and go with the inner wild-child rebel Bel. She’s the one who makes questionable choices in the name of thrill-seeking and fun, which is forgivable, when you’re young and exploring the world and finding yourself. I have always been an open-minded person, eager to live large and push the envelop in all facets of my life. This penchant towards extremes may be a function of bipolar, but it’s also my personality. I like novelty, I like to try new experiences. But I didn’t enjoy last night, and neither did the guy I went with. I’m glad we both were on the same page with this one. I tried it, went into it with curiosity and a little bit of trepidation, and I also drank a few shots of vodka beforehand to calm my nerves. This is the biggest red flag– when I feel the need to drink before doing something, it usually means I shouldn’t do it. I make bad decisions when I drink. Some people think alcohol loosens you up so you’ll get out of your head and your truest self flows out. I disagree. Alcohol is a blindfold that draws the curtains shut on our intuition, the voice of deep-seated reason and truth, and I always regret the decisions I make when I’m inebriated. I struggle with impulse control– also a function of bipolar. But in the few times when I chose to listen to my intuition, my wise mind, over thrill-seeking and thrill (i.e. deciding against going social dancing on a Friday night, and choosing a quiet night in instead), I always feel a deep sense of peace. I never regret listening to my intuition. I can go to bed at night feeling proud of myself for making the right choice. Listening to your intuition costs you nothing, and you have everything to gain from it.
I woke up this morning not hungover, thankfully, but definitely down. Feelings: guilt, shame, remorse, gross. Whenever I go against my intuition, I am left with an icky feeling. I strayed from my values. Why did I do that? In these brief moments of guilt and shame, it’s important to give yourself grace for making a mistake, journal about why it happened, and try your best to not let it happen again. You’re human, you’re allowed to fumble. Don’t hate yourself or beat yourself up over it, but always reflect on mistakes and take it as a learning lesson. What did I learn from last night?
I no longer need crazy, wild, thrilling experiences to feel alive. I don’t need to push the envelop or “live on the edge” to feel something. I am happiest when I am calm, centered, and surrounded with good, wholesome people. I refuse to allow vices to guide my decisions… I want to live a disciplined life that allows me to go to bed at night feeling proud of myself. The greatest source of joy for me is creativity and service. Put the two together, and I can use my creative gifts to do good in this world. That’s why I’ve started this expressive writing group, to share the very tool that saved me, multiple times over, in my darkest hours. It’s why I am starting businesses that I hope can bring joy and value to my community. It’s why I love my work as a dance, yoga, pilates, and fitness instructor. I am getting people into the best physical shape of their lives, which is directly linked to mental-emotional well-being. I have found my purpose as an educator, wellness leader, artist, and spreader of joy. I am making money from my passions. How blessed a life I lead. All glory to God, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I leave this writing session feeling less guilty. The weight in my chest has lifted. I feel lighter, freer, and happier. This is a testimony to the power of the written word. I hope you guys will join me in future Sundays for an hour of healing.
To register, click on this link and choose which free online events you’d like to join. I will talk to you guys soon!
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