Positive Reframing and Self-Distancing To Cope With Stress

Dearest readers, I am writing this post more for myself than anyone else. When I feel strong emotions, sometimes the only way out of them is to write about them… so get ready for some rawness, self-bolstering, and a smidgen of humor, if we’re lucky. Today was Day 1 at the high school. I teach dance at a local high school three times a year, and it’s a two week chunk of time called “Intersession” where I choreograph a group number for the kids to perform at the Intersession Celebration. It’s a lot of pressure to whip together a big choreography in less than two weeks to a group of beginner dancers. Five days to learn it. Four days to drill it. Today was rough, as I’d expected it would be. So here’s some positive reframing to help me cope with the stress:

1. You’re not choreographing a freakin’ Broadway show. It’s a 3 minute 20 second dance to the song Bye Bye Bye by NSYNC (banger!!!). It’s ambitious, but still realistic.
2. You’re a great teacher. Trust yourself.
3. The kids love you. You’re the cool dance sis they never had. And not that much older than them, in the grand scheme of life.
4. You have done this three other times, and each time was a raging success. This time will be no different.
5. The primary mission is to have fun… not just them, but you, too! As you told them at the beginning of class today, “Enjoy the process of learning. Leave your ego outside the classroom. Let go of perfectionism. Dance is fun, don’t forget that!”

Phew. Couple things I did there to help me feel better. One was the use of positive reframing– focusing on the positives of a perceivably stressful event and adopting a healthy, helpful script to keep the big picture in mind. Using the wise mind, instead of the emotional, stress-ridden one. The second thing I did was self-distancing by using the pronoun “You”, instead of “I”. That gives you some space away from your emotions and puts you in the space of being an inspiring coach for yourself. Another thing that’s been grinding my gears all night is the fact that I was left on “read” by this guy I went on a date with last night. In truth, this is bugging me more than the stress of the high school. Ah, the joys and pitfalls of dating… what a freakin’ rollercoaster. It’s why I’ve avoided it for so long and opted for casual one-night stands. But this guy seems different. He seems to like me, is into monogamy, is super respectful and sweet. I like him, too. So it hurts when you feel like your attraction goes unreciprocated. Time for some more reframing:

1. He was texting you all morning and sounded enthusiastic. Maybe he just got busy at work and couldn’t reply right away.
2. You can’t control when or how or if he’s going to reply your humorous text. You shot your shot, ball’s in his court. Let him show his true colors. If he’s interested, he’ll reply eventually. If he ghosts you forever, then you know he wasn’t the one for you. You got nothing to lose, Bel!
3. You’re tripping out over a guy you just met. You’re better than this. Don’t give him that power over you! Non-attachment! You’ll be just fine, with or without him.
4. You’re a baddie with a lot of gifts and love to offer. Don’t be so eager to give it up to just anyone, they must earn it!

Good. Feeling a lot better now. Thank you guys for reading my inner monologue. And next time you feel distressed in any way, try the positive reframing and self-distancing techniques, they work wonders!