How to Handle Road Rage: A Guide to Staying Calm Behind the Wheel

Road rage is a phenomenon we can all relate to, to some degree. For me, as a fitness instructor who teaches at seven different gyms and clubs, it’s a regular part of my life. I often get stuck in rush hour traffic, waking up at 7 a.m. to make my 8 a.m. Pilates class in Menlo Park. It’s only two freeway exits away, but the morning rush in the San Francisco Bay Area can be brutal.

This morning was a case in point. I was driving to Google’s campus in San Bruno at 11 a.m. when, while trying to merge onto the freeway, a white Lexus SUV refused to let me into the left lane. The driver insisted on driving side-by-side with me, forcing me to slow down significantly to squeeze my way through before the next exit. It was an acutely stressful situation, and unfortunately, one I’ve run into often. As I finally merged into his lane, he shot me a dirty look, as if it was my fault that I needed to merge. I retorted with an equally dirty stink eye, which, honestly, felt cathartic. Inside, I was stewing. I wanted to honk or flip him off, but I knew such gestures would only escalate the situation and could turn into a dangerous encounter.

So, how do you cope with road rage?

A Toolkit for Calming Yourself

When you find yourself triggered by another driver, here are a few strategies to help you manage your reaction and stay safe.

1. Breathe. Take a calming, deep diaphragm breath. Inhale through your nose fully, filling your lungs and ballooning your belly, and then exhale forcefully through your mouth with a “HA” sound. Inhale calm and serenity; exhale anger and resentment.
2. Do Not Retaliate. If someone cuts you off, don’t be petty and try to turn it into a Formula 1 race. Do not weave through traffic to stay on their tail, tailgate them, or flash your high beams. Honk only when absolutely necessary. Retaliation is not only petty, it’s dangerous.
3. Practice Non-Attachment. Road rage is just a moment of anger. Let it pass through your body and mind quickly so you don’t do something you regret. Remember the principle of non-attachment—do not cling to negative experiences.
4. Accept Your Feelings. It’s okay to feel triggered, stressed, flighty, or on edge. Allow yourself a minute or two to feel these negative emotions, and then consciously relinquish them.
5. Say an Affirmation. Say an affirmation out loud to yourself. “You’re okay. Everything is okay. You’re safe.” Safety is paramount while driving. A healthy dose of fear with driving keeps you calm and focused, reminding you that anything can happen in a split second.

The Importance of Defensive Driving

Just yesterday, I found out that a former co-worker from the Circus Center died in a motorcycle accident. Logan Sheehan was a professional acrobat and circus artist, and he was only a couple of years younger than me. This tragedy was a cruel reminder to always drive defensively and be safe on the road.

You are risking your life every time you sit behind the wheel. A quiet prayer in your head before merging on the freeway can be a powerful practice, as is feeling grateful when you have safely parked your vehicle. Driving is dangerous business, so stay focused, stay calm, and always prioritize your well-being.