When I think of God, I envision him as a man. I dunno, he kinda looks like Jesus Christ— beard, long hair, white— after all, Jesus was God’s son and a chosen one. But it’s hard to imagine Him as a man, because He isn’t one. He transcends the human form. He appears to me in the voice of my intuition. Sometimes a whisper, sometimes a shout. But even the shouts are altruistic, never harsh or belittling. They are the firm voice of wisdom and truth, urging me to make the right choice. I have become well-acquainted with this voice through prayer and meditation. Deep down, I know the path to Heaven. My problem is that I sometimes choose not to listen. I follow impulse, thrill, drama, chaos… because I am a broken human.
I have immense faith in God. I see Him every day, in the form of other people— angels on Earth who walk by my side. Allan is one such angel. My parents are another. Aashika also comes to mind, though I don’t speak to her much these days. Oh, and Liz. Beloved Liz. She is one of my angels who God sent to help me.
AA members. We lift each other up through God’s will. Certain things people say in meetings— stories, words, aphorisms, nuggets of wisdom— that resonate deeply with me. Sometimes even changing my life.
God is speaking through them.
God is a Higher Power who is ALWAYS on our side. He is our cheerleader, our confidante, our savior. He helps us when other humans cannot. He is all-powerful, all-knowing, and only through complete surrender to Him can we find lasting inner peace and happiness, free from the shackles of addiction.
God is my partner in crime. Not literally, of course… I should say, partner in service. I serve Him by loving Him, believing in Him, worshipping Him, and He saves me in turn. I know that sounds transactional, and maybe I don’t totally understand Christianity yet. I believe God loves us unconditionally, even when we have sinned. We’re all sinners in this embodied lifetime.
God lives in me through the service I do for others. Seva. Service with sincerity. I teach fitness and dance and yoga classes to help people get healthy. I bring joy to people’s lives. I have many creative talents— my words have a way of moving people. My dancing is inspiring. I am blessed with these talents that are God-given. I owe all my strength to Him.
I feel God’s presence the strongest when:
- I am in creative flow— I am channeling a message received from Heaven, using the media of words and movement to concretize the message.
- I am stable and at peace. And sober. Most of all, sober. Like right now, for instance. Clear of mind, content of heart. “Peace, be still.”
- When faced with hardship and suffering. In my darkest hour, I cry to God for help. He lays a steadying hand on my shoulder and assures me that I will be okay. Better than okay. He doesn’t promise me when I’ll feel better, but offers me guidance on HOW to get there, even if the darkness is all-consuming.
“Get out of bed.”
“This too, shall pass.”
“Take a cold shower.”
“Go to the ER.”
“You’re the strongest person I know.”
Directives given to me by God to extricate me from the cave. That’s my inner voice talking, but really, it comes from God.
God granted me the gift of words. So He comes to me, in the form of language and speech. That also extends to music, lyrics, poetry. If I can quiet my mind long enough to listen… then I am in touch with God, holding His hand, being led to Heaven by Him.
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