Building Your Toolkit: A Guide to Emotional Regulation

Navigating life with a mood disorder like bipolar disorder can feel like a constant battle against emotional waves. Learning to regulate your emotions isn’t a luxury; it’s an essential skill for staying afloat. The coping skills that make up emotional regulation are a carefully refined toolbox, one that takes years of living with the illness to hone. These are the tools that have helped me find stability and peace over the last seven years, and they can help you, too.

Foundational Pillars

These are the non-negotiables that form the base of my emotional stability. Without them, everything else is much more difficult to manage.

• Medication: This will always and forever be at the top of my toolbox. It is non-negotiable.
• Sleep: I aim for 9-10 hours every night. Consistent, quality sleep is crucial for mood stability.
• Substance Avoidance: I avoid alcohol, marijuana, nicotine, and psychedelics. I don’t need additional substances to mess with my already volatile moods, and I certainly don’t need a substance use disorder on top of bipolar.
• Therapy: I attend at least one session a week, and more if I find myself in a crisis.
• Routine: Every task in my life is meticulously laid out on my Google Calendar. I plan my week in advance and do my best to stick to the schedule. While moods change invariably, discipline is unwavering.

Mind-Body Practices

These practices are vital for connecting with my body and calming my mind, offering a gentle yet powerful way to regulate my nervous system.

• Yoga: This practice adds a new dimension to my healing. When I practice yoga, breathing, and meditation daily, I am the most stable and grounded. It’s a gentle way for me to get moving during lows and a brake-check to halt the escalation into highs. Yoga helps me achieve mental clarity and a sense of zen, which makes me less emotionally reactive to external stressors like interpersonal conflicts, road rage, and work stress. The fundamental tenets of yoga wisdom—letting go of bad experiences, living with compassion, and practicing non-judgment—strengthen my mind to be imperturbable amidst external provocation.
• Exercise: Any kind of physical activity regulates my moods. When I’m depressed, I aim for 20-30 minutes of light cardio and abs, and I always walk away feeling better. Working as a fitness instructor is beneficial for getting out of depressive episodes quicker, and when manic, exercise (in moderation) is a healthy outlet to channel frenetic energy and calm racing thoughts.
• Hydrotherapy: I hit the steam room and hot tub in the evening to decompress after a long work day. Even just 20 minutes of soaking is soothing, and I walk out feeling like I’m floating on a cloud.
• Cold Showers: I take a non-negotiable cold shower every morning. There’s science backing the mental and physical health benefits, and it provides a mini accomplishment that allows me to say, “This day was rough, but at least I had a win by pushing through the discomfort of a cold shower.”
• Journaling & Blogging: This is the best form of catharsis there is and the most direct way to understand and release pent-up thoughts and emotions.
• Dance: Dance is both cathartic and flow-inducing. It’s food for the soul and my biggest passion.
• Self-Soothing Techniques: When I feel panicky or anxious, I wrap my black furry throw blanket around me, give myself a hug, and caress my arms while repeating the mantra: “You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.” I place my hand on my heart and time my long, deep breaths to my heart beat—4 beats in, 4 beats hold, 4 beats out. This is how I ride the acute waves of anxiety that sometimes beset me.

Foundational Skills from DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy)

These are core psychological skills that provide a framework for managing emotions and making wise choices.

• Opposite Action: This is a DBT skill that teaches you to do the opposite of what your emotions are telling you to do. It’s integral to bipolar management. When you’re depressed, your emotions tell you to do nothing, but pushing yourself to perform actions, however small, will get you out of depression quicker. When you’re escalating into mania, you need to fight the urge to sprint and instead take things slower. Practicing opposite action is the key to staying stable.
• Radical Acceptance: This DBT skill involves whole-heartedly accepting the pain of unfortunate circumstances without fighting or resisting it, and then focusing on how to move forward in a non-judgmental way. Once I radically accepted my bipolar diagnosis, I was freed to begin the hard work of healing.

Essential Connections & Purpose

• Social Support: My therapist, psychiatrist, family, and close friends are my social support. I lean on them in both times of crisis and at baseline.
• Goal-Setting: Setting goals is integral to combating depression. It gives you a reason to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. With depression, the small goals are the most important ones: making my bed, taking a shower, or going on a 10-minute nature walk.

Thank you for taking the time to read. I know how overwhelming and difficult life with a mood disorder can be, but you don’t have to navigate it without a toolkit of your own. Even if you don’t live with a mental illness, these coping skills are essential for everyone to live a healthy, happy life. If any of the skills I’ve shared resonate with you, I urge you to give them a try. You might be surprised at the sense of control and calm they can bring to your life. I’d love to hear what works for you, so please feel free to leave a comment and share your own experiences.